Intrigued with Intimacy
|
Posted:Apr 21, 2014 7:40 am
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2014 6:31 pm
4537 Views
|
Intimacy......the connection between two people on levels that are multi-layered and infinitely complex......
I have often wondered about people and their needs. I have discussed with some regarding symptoms behind the behavior. People rarely admit the rationale for seeking sex and its feelings. All kinds of behavior is attributed to a variety of issues. Volumes have been written regarding the motivation for why people behave the way they do when it is really just one thing...........the strong need for intimacy.
People are proponents of the fact that addictions to drugs, alcohol, porn....etc all have either psychosomatic, physical, genetic, environmental, or selfish motives or reasons. I would suggest that all of these radiate from another rationale many times. Thus my suggestion:the need for intimacy.
When one begins to look at drug addiction, sex addiction, cycles and patterns of physical or sexual abuse, porn addiction, murder certainly there are always mentally chemical or brain dsyfunctions that can create these behaviors, but many times it comes from a deficit of love and intimacy. Let's peek into this premise.
Everyone has a need to be loved and connected.......intimacy. When you begin to look at some of the deviant behaviors that present themselves, the symptoms are the focus rather than the base issue. I obviously do not want to simplify this, but many times if we evaluate the behavioral context of many of these behaviors, one will find the lack of real intimacy as rationale for the above responses.
The search for the missing piece comes through many of the above cycles and it really is intimacy. People's fetishes are jaded or perfected in how they received or were denied intimacy in their relationships. They turn to illusions and substitutes or navigate to so-called deviant behaviors to discover what they missed. Some people try to find it in being treated less than human. Others try to numb this pain through chemicals. Still others impose destructive behavior on themselves or on others in their search for the one deficit that was not filled in their formative years.........intimacy.....
People attempt to explain their behavior sexually as being tendencies or being wired that way. Addicts attribute their behavior to everything, but the right thing in most cases. Had these individuals grown up in an environment of intimacy where they were loved, appreciated, valued, comforted, and cared for, many of these behaviors that are self-destructive and careless could and would have been avoided. You may agree or disagree, but in the final analysis much of a person's distaste and destruction of themselves has been generated from an illegitimacy or inadequacy in the arena of intimacy. We need it. We search for it in a variety of means both positive and negative. It is the base need for all of us to discover health and wholeness. It is intimacy. I am intrigued by intimacy...........What do you think?
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Sexual Healing
|
Posted:May 28, 2013 4:58 pm
Last Updated:Aug 1, 2019 10:00 pm
5586 Views
|
There is this health that comes from a sexual experience. It affects the emotions, increases the physical energy and exertion which creates a cardio workout, and the ecstatic moment of orgasm creates the release of things like seratonin and norepinephrine which create a euphoric state that escalates positive thoughts and outlooks. So, sex is healthy and healing.....sexually healing...and fun!!!!
What do you think?
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Does it really matter?
|
Posted:Mar 26, 2013 2:02 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2014 8:57 pm
5877 Views
|
A person who gives and yet does not receive moves to moments of great frustration. A person who is centered on and focused on the other's needs is a rare commodity these days. If I were to take a pole from women regarding how many givers they run into in a given day I wonder what the numbers would be. So, I am wondering. Does it really matter if women find a giver?
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
What is that feeling?
|
Posted:Mar 26, 2013 1:59 pm
Last Updated:Aug 1, 2019 10:01 pm
5826 Views
|
It is the connection between a man and a woman. It is that moment where neither can feel where one begins and the other ends. It is that moment when the body is so stimulated that it goes almost numb and yet there is this ecstatic feeling at the same time........It is a phenomenon that is unexplainable.....the orgasm........Wonder why all that happens?
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Uncomplicated sex..........right
|
Posted:Jan 19, 2013 9:05 am
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2021 4:48 pm
6910 Views
|
I read this all the time, but find it hard to believe that this is reality. The fragment or statement is an oxymoron. Uncomplicated is defined as easy, effortless, drama free, and might I add some would say void of emotion and any connection. Now, this is not true for all as some people want a relational aspect to the sexual experience, just not a fatal attraction and a lot of drama. Nevertheless, I think that the second part of this which is the sex always comes with some kind of emotion and must have some kind of mental, physical, emotional, and psychological connection to be really fulfilling. Lots of levels creates some creative experiences, knowing the person and their preferences creates a relational aspect that is connecting, and the sexual moment is obviously emotionally charged. So, there is always something complicated about an intimate moment with another person. Two people have to communicate, they need to be highly aware of each other's needs, and there has to be an attraction in many arenas for it to be the kind of memorable moment that we all want. So, I am thinking that there is always something complicated about this connection with another person..........I suppose it is all in how you define "uncomplicated sex" but there are always dynamics that are really actually pretty complicated from my perspective anyway.......What do you think?.....Just thinking out loud again.....HHHHmmmmmmmmm......Uncomplicated sex....yes? or no!....
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
Just looking.........
|
Posted:Dec 20, 2012 4:23 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2014 6:13 pm
6105 Views
|
I read this all the time......It says "just looking." That is a given, but what are you looking for. Most men think it is the sex and for some women that might be true. For most, it entails much more than this. It's the "more than this" that is up in the air. I suppose that if we really want to know that we will have to ask. So, I am asking. What are you really looking for????...still waiting.....
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
If you find a true southern gentleman.......
|
Posted:May 12, 2012 11:31 am
Last Updated:Oct 6, 2012 12:55 pm
6697 Views
|
Erase your past experiences, escalate your expectations for the future, treat him with tenderness and lavish him with love as it will be returned with an unreserved response.....JMM
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
Posted:May 5, 2012 8:27 pm
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2014 1:27 pm
7024 Views
|
I recently chatted with a woman on another venue and hinted that I might want to meet and chat over some lunch or dinner. Her assumption was then that I wanted something more than some conversation with depth and a bit of dining which was just not true. It intrigued me somewhat as I know this is a sex site, but it disappointed me on the other hand as assuming that I wanted something more than what I had asked about seemed to be the direction she took. I quickly assured her that I wanted to go no further than my request. I do not consider myself as easy or some kind of "man ."
Now, I know that the wolves lie waiting out there and that caution is absolutely necessary, but I had given her no reason to think that I was one of those guys and her assumptions, though, true about men are not true about every man. Sure, I love some great intimacy, but not without some time and investment. I know that selectivity in most men either comes from the idea that "they think they are all that" or that they are just out to get a "piece." I have a different take, but changing anyone's mind after a multitude of bad experiences I have found is difficult to say the least. So, it seemed that my reputation was based on the reputation of others that had preceded me.....hmmmmm
Seems a bit unfair and asinine......you know, ridiculous.......
Assuming the worst pre-judges someone before they are given a chance to reveal their true selves. Making assumptions based on past experience is fair in some ways, but oh-so unintelligent in others. Now I know that the fakes are out there and the falsehood in a lot of communication between people is rampant, but if one listens to their "gut" and reads between the lines, then the wool of these "worst" is revealed......It suddenly becomes easy to see if it is "wolf or sheep's" clothing....I think you have to use sound judgement, but also sound emotion to feel these fakes out, but assuming the asinine from the start is certainly not the first approach for me.
I will tell you that after assuring her that my requests were genuine, that my expectations were just as I had commununicated, and that a friendship is a valuable gift, she took the time and effort to actually apologize. I conveyed to her that no apology was necessary as friends sometimes make wrong assumptions about each other, and turned it into a "teachable" moment where she learned that there are still some good guys with great intentions who people can gravitate to without fear. Granted, one does have to move with patience to discover reality, but assuming that all people have the same intentions and that they are always all about egocentricity is asinine......Honestly, I know they are rare, but there are still some "givers" out here.....
Soooooo, my suggestion is that assuming the asinine at every turn is just that....."Asinine"....... Why not try a little trust!!!!
One might find a friend......... You see, I actually only want to go as far as you do and that is a maybe as I might not even want to go that far..... Being driven by hormones is adolescent behavior. Making hunches that are horrible about another human being is horrendous. Maturity dictates that individuals be treated as just that...."the unique people that we all are." Not every man thinks with his genitalia.....Most do, but there are always exceptions......Search for the exception and you will not assume the asinine.............I wish you well in your search for stable, safe, and sane........I still do not think that is too much to ask..........lol.........Be wise as serpent, but gentle as dove.........Still waiting.......
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
You're such a heart-head!!!!
|
Posted:Oct 18, 2011 4:19 pm
Last Updated:May 8, 2012 4:44 pm
6532 Views
|
I know, I know.......It's supposed to be hard head, but there is always a new take on an old saying.....
I am quite amazed at people. They really do intrigue me. Women have changed so much it seems along with men, but the assertiveness that has come out of the woman's desire to have the same rights and privileges as men has somewhat taken me back. You see, I think that any woman who desires to have equality with a man has lowered their aspirations for life.......lol.... Females really have so much more on the male species.
Granted we as men and women are different in our approaches, likes, dislikes, methods, aspirations, and internal and external priorities. But when a woman approaches life like a man, I am really disappointed. I recently met a woman who said that she wanted friendship, an emotional connection, and passionate love-making, but when I did not attack her on the first meeting I was disposed of. I was a bit taken back by this until I discovered that some women are not much different in their approach to relationships than men. They say they want respect, honor, dignity, a friend, and passion, but when they are not assaulted and brutalized on the first meeting, then they suddenly back away and forget their intitial desires. Now, I am all about passionate love-making and the feelings that are an incredible result of that kind of moment, but I do not want a connection without some chemistry. I want to know who I am with before I am really "with" them.....I think you get my drift......
So, I suppose you could call me a "heart-head." I want to lead with my heart and my intelligence and treat people (women in particular) with some sense of person-hood. I want the emotion from the heart that only comes in a connection with depth. Maybe I am a bit different in my approach, but I have seen too many women used and abused and tossed aside as "play-things." It's just not my style. These women come away from these relationships believing that all men are dogs when it is really only most men that are dogs......lol.....instinctual instead of involving.......
My heart tells me how to treat women. My intelligence tells me to act on my heart. My heart says use some chivalry and sensuality to bring balance to my relationships. My intelligence tells me to act only when it is the appropriate time. My heart says to let the kiss linger. My intelligence informs me of a dialogue that could connect two people in some really creative passion. My heart says yes to the moment that will bring ecstasy and my head tells me to be keenly aware of all of the dynamics of that moment that will make it exhilarating. I want the moment filled with both intelligence and emotion.....Sure, I want it hot, passionate, spontaneous, and creative. I am trying to figure out what is so wrong with that.
As my heart says, so I think.......hhmmmmm...I suppose that makes me a "heart-head" instead of a "freakin" hard head!!!.......I am wondering which you would prefer.......As for me, I need a "heart-head." I need a woman with some intelligence, the ability to move slowly to the moment of connection that births the best, and a woman with some emotion that connects mind, body, and soul in that most sophisticated and miraculous of moments called "one-ness." You know, where you can't feel where one of us starts and the other begins or ends. I prefer a "heart-head.".......What about you?
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
"I feel Ya"
|
Posted:Jun 5, 2011 1:10 pm
Last Updated:Nov 6, 2014 2:36 pm
7140 Views
|
It's a common quote these days usually in the context of relating to someone's circumstance or situation......or a rather forward need to reach out and touch.......lol
I am not sure anyone can really relate to one's circumstances as all of our circumstances have unique differences. We would like to think that we understand, but in reality we really don't. We might be able to relate in a generic fashion, but I suspect that we can never really "feel ya" in the wholistic sense of the word. There is, however, at least one other way to "feel ya." It is found in really getting to know someone. It is hard work, though.
I have had some women that I have chatted with run after about 30-45 minutes of talking with them. It is a paradox that most people want people to know them, but when they are known, they seem to be frightened by the fact that someone has "really" listened to them and can read them and understand the kind of people or person that they are. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to sense someone's tendencies and personality. It merely takes asking some questions, small talking, really evaluating and observing the responses, and listening between the lines. Some are attracted and others repulsed and repelled that they were actually treated like a person and significantly listened to.
When I give my best guesses about who they are and what they are like I have actually had these responses....."Have you been reading my mail?"......lol......."My gosh, that was amazing!!!".....Some who are frightened tell me that I was close and then later on in the conversations tell me that I was right on target.....Now, don't be frightened....I am just an ordinary guy with a deep love for people and a powerful sense of intrigue about the intelligence and rationality for behavior.... I am an anthropologist as I love human behavior and just love talking to people.........Much like Robin Williams in "Patch Adams", I love to deeply understand the depth of a person and their responses......laughter, pain, sadness, joy......It's all a part of our human experience and it seems we relate much more to each others failures than we do the successes..(but this is for another day)
If I tell you that "I feel ya" (which I probably will not do as this is overworked and illegitimately used) I am talking about "knowing" you. I prefer depth over superficiality. I love to laugh, but also love the connection that conversation and listening can produce. To want to know someone is really the highest compliment we can pay them. They become people not "play-things" in this process.....I like to play, but not at the expense of sacrificing the "self-hood" of others....So, this begs the question from me......."Do you really want me to feel ya?"
If so, I am but a conversation away.....With depth comes a cohesive bond that produces a premiere product...true friendship on a variety of levels......Now, that's hot!!!!!
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
"Pursuing Pursuit"
|
Posted:Mar 6, 2011 12:17 pm
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2012 9:24 am
6860 Views
|
The thrill of the chase.......The desire to be someone's point of determination and destination. What is it with wanting to be pursued, but then the paradox of being caught and being excluded. The implication of this mentality of wanting to be pursued obviously communicates "a center of the universe" intellectual approach that illicits abuse. People want to feel necessary, but when they find one who deems them needed and necessary the end result many times becomes neglect. The thrill of the chase becomes more compelling than the connection....In a "no strings attached" world, how can one really gain the essence of "pursuit?" How can one be pursued and then remain possessed?
I understand the need to be "needed." I "get it" that we are striving and vigorously trying to feel this sense of being the only one, but is that reality? We pursue pursuit and expect that we will in return be the point of power and preoccupation. It can and it can't happen. It takes some positive presuppositions about people and their premises must be positive instead of predatory...... How can the pursuit of pursuit have a predictive, purposeful outcome?
I would suggest a mutual, melding of the life mosaic. I would suggest the perpetuation of mutual pursuit.. pursuit of the person not the inanimate idea... If you want to be pursued, then I would suppose that one would have to prioritize pursuit as one of their own postulates. If pursuit is only born out of conceit and narcissism, then disconnection and discongruity will be the terminal design. If one desires selfish pursuit which is singular, then single one shall be.
If one wants to be pursued, then equilibrium and equality must be the real pursuit. As one pursues, so shall they be pursued... One cannot expect to be the fabulous fascination of another unless they are willing to be the tenacious partaker of the significant other.
Pursuing pursuit is ineffectual......Wanting to be needed is nice, but needing and wanting the same for someone else produces a positive, predictive pursuit......Pursuing a person has great potential and possibility when reciprocation is a reality... So, the "pursuit of pursuit" will only be meritorius when it is mutual.... "It takes a "giver" to be a "getter.".......I wish you well in your "pursuit"........
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
"May I have your attention, please?"
|
Posted:Jan 23, 2011 5:47 am
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2012 9:26 am
6972 Views
|
There is a deep-seeded need in all of us to have someone's undivided attention. We earnestly want to be the delectable destination for the energy and effort of that special somebody. We need to be the center of attention and the fabulous focus of an intentional other. Everyone alive has attention-needs and it seems that we are all attention-starved in some way. Some manipulate attention, some are loud and boisterous in their attempt to get this need met, and some are aggressive and intrusive in their approach........ I understand the need, but I am still confused about the methodologies of attaining it.
Relationally, it becomes a paradox as well. We want the attention, but we want it on our terms and I think that is okay to a degree, but detrimental when one polarizes and is obssessive about merely being open to one option. Then, there is the other side of this oblivion that is so frivolous and fruitless as some are so starved that they will attach themselves to the worst possible person for the sake of attention. They sail out into a sea of destruction killing themselves by the craziness they are engulfed in due to the ill alignment with "just" anyone. I am proposing that one could have the attention needs met in a more balanced approach.
Some systematically go merely on the superficial exterior of a person. Still others, negate the exterior and escalate the interior and compromise their standards of attraction. The balance would be to find a person that you deemed delicious in both arenas. Compromise kills. Perspective promotes.
Compromising one's standards by just taking in any individual conveys desparation. Really investing and grasping the greatness of a person's heart as well as calculating the chemistry is the beginning of balance. But let's understand that there are none who are perfect. That is fantasy. There are only those who are complimentary. Perspective promotes a realistic review of the person and propagates an imaginative entity......where the two connect in "one-ness." There is a healthy respect, dignity is delivered, and the avenue of attention is administered.
It takes some keen insight and revolutionary reasoning to really reveal Mr. or Ms. Right. It takes some external eyesight and some internal intuition to see a person the way they really are. The resounding results of approaching relationships with some selectivity and some sensitivity can produce an enamored individual who desires to give you all of the dessert (attention) that you hunger to have.
We all want it. We all need it...........attention........but getting the right kind in the right way is as important as getting it. So, may I have your attention please? The kind of attention that gives, not takes.....delivers, not drains.....disburses and dispenses, not destroys......May I have your attention please?...... And even more important, may I give you some attention, please?......the right kind with the right methods and the best intentions...Pleasing attention!!!!...Attention, please!!!
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
"Positive Presuppositions"
|
Posted:Dec 18, 2010 7:41 pm
Last Updated:Jan 31, 2012 6:43 pm
6969 Views
|
I am amazed and anguished by the assumptions regarding my approach to relational issues. I completely comprehend that most men are malicious in their hypocritical and harmful hypotheses about who women are and their deep desires, but I am slightly fascinated by the failure to delve into a different decision on optional data. I get this question a lot....."Are you for real?"
HHHmmmmmmmmmm...........The question is worth pondering my positional postulates, but there is no way to facilitate the facts unless one is willing to venture into my personal venue. I have conveyed some consistency in my conversations and painted a picture for the possibility of a chivalrous, actual, authentic person, but I still am considered counterfeit by those who have never consumated a connection........and I am not talking sexually by the way......Just a mere meeting.
For those who cannot believe in the "bona fide" and grasp the genuine, I suppose that it says more about that person than it does about me. I will probably get in trouble for telling the truth, but some people fall into two categories many times..."the distrustful and the distasteful".....Shall I define this for you?
The "distrustful" have been wounded so badly that they could never believe that someone could be real, honest, and credible. The "distrustful" respond out of paranoia and panic and prefer imposing negative nuances rather than the confident conviction of the potential of a person. This turmoil stems from trauma. The "distasteful" have been abused so badly that they believe they could never deserve anyone who could value them as a gift and treat them as a human being. The "distasteful" assess themselves as inanimate objects who deserve to be debased and desecrated. Their self-esteem is exiled and empty. So, they pose the question, because no one could every really care or commit to someone like them (they have such a distaste for themselves)....."Are you for real?"
I AM REAL.........I move to the beat of a dissimilar drum.....ie...my march is melodious instead of malicious..... I trust until I have to distrust. I am not naive, but I am not immediately paranoid about the people. I am cautious and careful as one should be, but never cynical and callous without cause. My heart is to be positive and suppose accuracy over instantaneous annihilation. I refuse to initially discredit and doubt and be skeptical and cynical.
I prefer confidence, commitment, and certainty as my mode of moving in life. I will never ask you if you are for real. You see.........You will tell me. The constancy and consistency are the keys to a correct cognition of your character. I will not have to question. You will pass or fail your own quiz. Until you do, I will have a positive presupposition about who you are and what you are like........."POSITIVE PRESUPPOSITIONS"......
To think less of you before I know you would be to demean you as one who would not be deserving of, at the very least, some dignity.....To doubt you without having dealt with you on a more intimate encounter would be discourteous and disgusting to me from where I stand.......That would be sooooo wrong on so many levels..... You may ask and assume or you may accept and affirm...Your choice........... I choose to live in the arena of "POSITIVE PRESUPPOSITIONS".
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (waitingonyoiu57) use [blog waitingonyoiu57] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
211
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
|
